Identity

britishLeggi in italiano

One of the most frequent questions I am asked, and that I find very difficult to answer, is the simple “Where are you from?”.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. After years of dithering, I finally took the plunge and applied (and succeeded) to become a British citizen.

You might think the above question has a simple answer and, well, for many people that’s so. But for me, and even more so for many people, more and more nowadays, there is no straight answer to the question.

I was born in Italy to Italian parents – that makes me Italian you say. Yes, but only to some extent. That identity was always ill-fitting on my shoulders, like handmedown clothes. I left Italy at 18.

I became a UK citizen – so you’re English/British, I hear you scream at me. Again… am I? To some I never will be. To myself… I don’t “feel” it.

When other English speakers hear me talk, they always note the “English” accent, though after a while with Americans it can soften quite a bit.

The closest “identity” I feel that fits me is that of Londoner. I am and will always be a Londoner at heart. Not many cities accept you and take you in regardless of where you’ve come from, what language you speak, what job you do or how much money you have. So that’s what I am. If there was an official London citizenship, that’s what I would have gone for, but we are still stuck on nationalities. Also, again judging by the recent UK elections, this sense of difference from the rest of the country and belonging together is not limited to us originally “foreigners”. Central London seems to be a magnet that attracts mostly like-minded people.

Other friends ask, would you have gone for British if it meant dropping your Italian nationality? The answer is I don’t know. Until you are faced with the reality of this choice, I don’t know what I would do…

My family remain in Italy, most of my work is in the UK and Europe, my friends a bit all over the place. The food I love, though it started in Italy, has now branched out to impossible and unexpected locations. I feel that by defining myself by my nationality I am restricting myself. Maybe it is a malaise of this age: look at me, there is so much more to me than just this label! Still… it does not feel right for me.

Let’s think about this a different way. A person born of, say, a French mother and a Senegalese father, maybe born in the USA but grown up in Hong Kong, where are THEY from? My head spins. It fascinates me. An African friend of mine said he identifies as black first and foremost. Me, as I said, Londoner and, I guess, a woman first and foremost. Race and nationality for me don’t hold much sway, but identity is after all a fluid concept.

I know it’s cheesy but, sometimes, I’d just like to say, I’m from Planet Earth, and you?

Bye Bye Buenos

Leggi in italiano

I cannot believe time has gone so fast. After the various problems I’ve had, BA has been trying to seduce me over the last few days, with very pleasant weather and a nearly empty city for the Easter holidays.

But inside, I know it is time to go.

We had a last hurrah in Uruguay a couple of weeks ago: 4 days of relax, beach, swimming pool and reading which were much needed (and bookended by a long boat and coach trip to get there and back, but I managed to not to get car sick. Result!). Work has kept me so busy that I haven’t even been able to do any last minute sightseeing or shopping…

But this is how I am. As I approach a departure, my brain gets into higher and higher gear, speeding so fast beyond the present that I am already several steps ahead. So in a way I’ve already left BA. Now I just need to suffer through the 13.5 hour flight.

The saddest thing will be leaving J. She has been so amazing. She was wonderfully supportive as I began this new phase of my life, and it was so good to have such a great person near me as I did. I am sad because I know she is now one of those friends who live far away from me and that I’ll get to see only occasionally. But it makes me happy to have this friendship. After all, this is what I’ve been doing all my life: full friendship immersion.

Plans for the next few months are taking shape, and I am excited. But I am also very happy to be seeing my dear London friends too, and some interesting and thrilling things will be happening while I am in London. Watch this space to find out what these are! Hasta la vista!

 

Things I’ll be missing: our “Angel Heart” elevator; the lovely people I’ve met here; cheap and good meat; being able to take taxis everywhere

I’m looking forward to: London weather (not!), technology, Anderson breakfast, Peckham, friends, people who know how to queue